Batman: The Dark Knight #1

"Fear is a cannibal that feeds upon itself. It lives in every dark shadow -- waits around every corner. It can be in two places at once...on the path ahead, yet somehow always behind you. Fear hides in every decision, questioning your every move. And it's your fault. You're the one who gives it life. You are the parent of your own fear."

Deep thoughts, courtesy of Batman's narration boxes. Those poetic and mind-blowing ruminations, combined with images of Batman jumping out of an airplane, make up the first three pages of this comic. Out of a total of twenty pages. I get that David Finch is both drawing and plotting this comic. I know that artists-as-writers are a mixed bag at best. But he has a co-writer and editors here. How the fuck did someone not point out that he was wasting 15% of the first issue on total fucking filler bullshit?

So a couple pages later, we see Bruce Wayne making a speech to some rich assholes, using that same text from before. Doesn't anyone wonder why a goddamn CEO is lecturing them about fear. At the reception following the speech, a Gotham City cop confronts Bruce about his financing of Batman. The cop insists that Bruce MUST have an ally in the department that helps facilitate all this. Hey, Lieutenant fuckface, look for the cop who shines a giant frigging bat-shaped spotlight in the sky. Jesus, this guy won't be getting promoted soon.

Following that dramatic/developmentally disabled scene. Batman goes to stop a breakout at Arkham Asylum. What's that you say, last week's issue of "Batman"featured that exact same plot? That can't be correct, let me double-check. Oh wait, it did. Again, Finch and his co-writer may've crafted a story we've seen a million times, but they're just freelancers. There are editors whose fucking job is to make sure dumb shit like this isn't happening. I've seen better structure and leadership at Libertarian relay races.

But the homage to bad writing doesn't stop there. The last page is Batman confronting a gigantic and musclebound Two-Face. Two-Face tells Batman "You can call me One-Face now." Now, it's possible I suffered a debilitating stroke while reading this comic. But unless that happened, it looks to me like Two-Face still has two fucking faces.

Buy Again: No, "fear is questioning my every move", and I fear I can't buy a comic this bad again.

New Reader Friendly: Well enough, it requires only basic bat-knowledge going in.